A CONVENIENT DAY
Sophie had decided to break up with Cameron long before they had the accident. Dozens of reasons flickered through her mind when she thought about why she should break up with him. Yes, five years was a long time, but she knew she couldn’t afford to dedicate another five to this relationship. Every night before going to bed, she waited for a convenient time to have this conversation. But the right time never arrived.
One of the many days planning to make the talk, Cameron had found a photo of the two of them from the day they first met, tucked among their old things. One time, Cameron’s mother had gotten sick. Another time, Pogo, their beloved dog, had suddenly started throwing up. Then there was Pogo. She couldn’t leave him. She wasn’t sure if Cameron would leave Pogo either. Sophie didn’t think Cameron would fight for him, but she didn’t want to risk it. If it were up to Cameron, Sophie and him could get married so that their life and arrangements wouldn’t be disrupted. Deep down, she knew the-prospective-breakup was his wish too. He was probably waiting for her to break up, but he was too apathetic to take any action.
Sophie was knee-deep in her thoughts, when the water in the garden hose in her hand suddenly decreased and started pouring intermittently. She gave the hose a sharp shake, her fingers slick with water. For a second, everything fell still. Then, with a guttural hiss, the hose jerked to life. A wild burst of pressure shot through it, sending it thrashing like a headless snake. The nozzle whipped in the air, spinning jets in wide arcs that slapped against her legs, her chest, her face. She shrieked, stumbling back as cold water drenched her shirt and plastered her hair to her cheeks. From inside the house, Pogo’s ears perked. At the sound of Sophie’s scream, he bounded over on his three legs, tail lashing the air. The hose spiraled like a possessed creature, and Pogo chased it with yipping and twirling around Sophie.
“How can you just sit and watch from there?” Sophie raised her voice to her boyfriend watching them from the porch. Cameron’s crow’s feet were prominent, eyebrows raised as he stared at his girlfriend. When their eyes met, they both waited for half a second to burst into laughter. The garden hose was getting Sophie soaked as it danced in the air. Sophie lifted one leg to join Pogo and started hopping beside him. Cameron laughed even louder. Leaning on the railing on the porch, he watched Pogo and Sophie as he ran his hands through his curly brown hair. With his other hand he took one more hit from the joint. The wind blew the smoke from his lungs back into his face, and he waved his hand back and forth dispersing the smoke.
“I’d like to join you! But I’m a bit numb!” he shouted. Then added, “Shit, it looks fun!” Sophie, after turning the water off, walked over to Cameron and she left a little inviting kiss to his lips. Grabbed his shirt and pulled lightly to lead him into the house. Cameron let out a small groan and smiled, but his hands didn’t leave the railing.
The next day, Sophie went to the hardware store to buy a new garden hose. The store was not far from the house. However, on the way, she was lost in her thoughts again. She had to break up with Cameron. The thought had already begun to thread itself into everything. Her breakfast, her errands, and her sleep. Lately, it felt like he was gently holding her underwater. And yet, she reminded herself, he hadn’t done anything. Cam was good to her. He was kind and steady. He always asked if she wanted the last fry. He loved her in the way someone might love a favorite sweater. Familiar but worn in. Before they found Pogo at the shelter, he had really wanted a puppy. Something brand-new and unbroken. But when he saw Sophie crying for Pogo, he’d sighed, rubbed his temples, and said, “Alright, alright, we’ll take him.” It was sweet, in a way. She told herself that often.
When Sophie saw the red light it wasn’t too late. She slammed her foot down but the pedal barely budged. A grunt escaped her as she pressed harder, muscles tensing, knuckles white on the wheel. The car jerked to a stop, but a full meter too far. Headlights from the opposite lane veered sharply toward her. Vibrating through the closed windows, a long furious horn exploded. Through the glass, the other driver’s mouth moved rapidly, hands flailing, but Sophie could only stare. There was a drum solo in her chest. Something was wrong with the brakes.
After finishing her chores, she tried to return home very slowly and carefully. Cameron was swinging on the porch swing, with a joint in his hand.
“Hi, Soph-” He swallowed the smoke as speaking, it made him cough. “Where have you been? It’s been a lot. You ok?” His voice was as soft and calm as ever. The words came out of his mouth over a long period of time. Sophie rolled her eyes. Cam had slowed down a lot compared to before. His movements, his speech, getting anything done. Everything was taking a long time. On the one hand, she liked his calmness, it made her feel safe. Yet, this indifferent attitude was unbearable at times.
“I think there is something wrong with the brakes. I almost crashed.”
“Oh, are you okay? Nothing happened to you right?” he slowly sat up on the swing and slowly wrapped his arm around Sophie’s waist. He leaned his forehead under her chest and gave her belly a small kiss. “Be careful, babe.”
“Yeah, yeah. I am. But it’s not about me though. You should check that car this week before we hit the road for your brother’s wedding.”
“Nooo…” He dragged the word out. “Wait, it’s next week? Ugh. Seriously? Why would he pick, like, the middle of nowhere?”
“Yeap. I know. Don’t forget to check the car will ya? I’ll go make us dinner.” Cameron’s whining exerted a repulsive orbital force on Sophie. Whenever his voice curled into that pitch, half complaint, half retreat, the man before her dissolved. Cameron didn’t follow Sophie. Just kept swinging until the dinner was ready.
Sophie was frantically packing the suitcases and the weekend arrived. Her suitcase had been ready for three days. Her dress, makeup, a spare dress, underwear. But now, she was looking for a pair of socks to match the reception outfit she had chosen today for Cameron. She was tired and didn’t want to drive four hours to Cameron’s big brother’s extravagant over the top wedding. But when she found Cameron smoking on the porch after she had barely gotten the suitcases down the stairs, she couldn’t control her anger.
“Cameron! You were going to drive!”
“Babe, it’s fine-” He coughed. “I can drive. Really.”
Sophie’s unhappiness had already spread to the muscles in her body.
“No you can’t. Now I have to drive for at least 2 hours! It’s not cool Cam.” Cameron pursed his lips like a little kid caught misbehaving and blinked.
“Sorry, love. I was waiting for you here and you just didn’t come down.” The blood rushed to Sophie’s brain. She opened her mouth to scold him, but stopped when her eyes caught the car.
“You took the car in for repairs last week, right?” she said.
“I’ll check that out when we return babe, don’t wanna rush that.” Sophie didn’t bother to answer. Her gaze was shifted from the car. She wanted to say she was leaving him right then, grab her suitcase and go back to her mother’s house. But she didn’t. She had to wait until the wedding was over. Once they returned, she would leave.
They were only half an hour out of town when it got dark. She was going to hand the car over to Cameron at the nearest stop. She tried to remember where she had put Cameron’s spare shirt. She was going to put it in the suitcase. Cameron would definitely spill something on himself. Would they be able to find a spare shirt there? Sophie was going to move when she got back. It was time she started looking for other places. She would go to her mother’s first. Besides, spending some time together would be good for both of them. Pogo tried to nuzzle Sophie’s arm from the backseat. But he couldn’t keep his balance and fell back onto the seat.
“Oh, Pogo!” Sophie laughed. She glanced at the rearview mirror for a moment to check if he was okay. Pogo was okay, but at that moment Cameron shouted.
“Soph! Brake!”
Sophie slammed on the brakes before looking ahead, but it was too late. The brakes had jammed again, and even when Sophie had leaned her whole upper body against the steering wheel to give all her strength, they had barely stopped. Something splashed onto the window leaving rusty dark traces. A pitiful squeal came from outside.
“What is that? Oh my god! What is that?” Sophie started rambling. “Is- Is that a kangaroo? Cam! What is that? Oh, god! What did we do?” Sophie threw open the car door and ran towards the animal in front of her. Her hands were on her temples, her mouth continuing to let words that did not form sentences. She collapsed next to the injured animal. “Cam…” Sophie’s voice trembled. “It’s a kangaroo.” Cam had gotten out of the car, looked at Sophie through the open door and then away, using all his strength to avert his eyes from the kangaroo lying on the ground. “No… Cam… It’s not dead. Cam, it’s not dead.”
The poor kangaroo was still breathing. Cam didn’t respond. Instead, he ran his fingers through his hair, leaned his back against the door and set his eyes to the ground.
“Soph, we can’t do anything about it. We have to go.”
“No!” She opposed it. “We can’t leave it like that! It’s suffering. What are we gonna do?” Sophie looked into the kangaroo’s eyes. They were glistening. A tear fell. “It’s crying, Cam…”
“God, Soph. Stop repeating my name over and over! Let’s just go. There is nothing we can do. We can’t even carry it to the car, let alone to the vet.”
“Cam! Cam!” Sophie shouted in a calmer manner. “It’s suffering. We can’t just leave it like that…” She didn’t finish the thought. Her eyes lingered on the suffering body.
“No way I’m doing that. No.” Cameron stated sharply. Yet, there was something darker in the silence that followed. Cameron covered his face with his hands and sighed deeply. “I’m not gonna ruin the car anymore. No Soph. We have to leave.”
“Cam we can’t!” Sophie screamed at him.
“Then take fucking a rock and smash its head yourself, okay? Because I can’t!” The kangaroo’s breathing was ragged.
“It’s crying Cam.” The storm inside her calmed down for a moment and the words flowed from her lips without a tremor. The pain was in a foreign language. Its groaning was haunting Sophie’s ears, but what drowned out the groaning was the heavy pressure of silence buzzing inside her skull.
“Soph, get in the car.” said Cameron, wearily.
“No-”
“Get in the car, Soph.”
“Cam! I- I can’t.”
“End of discussion Soph. Get. In. The. Car.”
Sophie ran her hand over the animal’s head. It continued to howl in pain. Its whimpers would rise, and then come out thinly under its breath.
“I’m so sorry, baby. So sorry.” Sophie got up. The kangaroo was trembling. She couldn’t take her eyes off the animal on the ground. Its image was buried in the depths of her mind. Red stains were on her jeans and hands. Cameron was already behind the wheel. He put the car in reverse. Sophie got in the passenger seat. Pogo’s breath fogged the window in the back.
“The front of the car is totaled,” Cameron sighed under his breath. As the car passed the dying kangaroo, Sophie kept watching it in the rear mirror until it was out of sight. Next week, she told herself. Surely, there’d be a convenient day by then.
