By İrem Naz Duymuş (AMER/III) & Eda Emekoğlu (AMER/III)
nazduymus@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
eda.emekoglu@ug.bilkent.edu.tr
In our lives, sometimes no matter how much we try, we cannot make something happen. This could be a connection, a relationship, a goal—anything. No matter how much effort you put into making something happen—or how hard you try to escape from it—it somehow finds its way back to you. I used to imagine life as a puzzle where I needed to put all the pieces in place perfectly but, in reality, the pieces often fell apart. Maybe instead of a puzzle, life is a canvas that I create like the abstract expressionists painted. Messy and unexpected but real and hopefully beautiful in the end.
Throughout my life, I have felt like I had to try hard for everything: to have friends, to make my family happy, to perform my best in every situation. Now I find myself questioning: “Do I really have to struggle for everything I want? If something is meant to be, will it eventually find me?” I genuinely don’t know.
When I was a child, I hated the saying “Some things are made to happen, it is destiny.” Some people come into our lives, and some go, but the important thing is to know when to hold on or when to let go. In stages of life like college, you meet so many people. You learn their stories, you learn their backgrounds and—unexpectedly—you learn a lot about yourself. Whether you want it or not, your mind compares, analyzes, repositions. Where you place yourself in all of this is a game changer.
When a person comes into my life, sometimes I cannot foresee an upcoming close connection or how bad the consequences might be. Is this a bad thing? I don’t know. If, like me, you are nervous when a strong feeling appears out of nowhere, don’t panic. Maybe it’s simply invisible strings at work pulling people toward you or gently releasing them when their chapter in your story is over. Some strings tighten, some loosen and some lead you somewhere you didn’t expect. You are finding your location in different frames and different settings and discovering where you stand each time.
Sometimes we overthink what is going to happen. Should I do this? Should I say this? But the decisions we make in our early 20s, especially the bold ones, are often the ones that shape us the most. So perhaps being bold—challenging ourselves, taking risks when we feel passionately for a person, a place or a possibility—is exactly what we need. This writer is trying to encourage herself to be braver, to push her limits and to step outside her comfort zone.
I don’t know if I can fully manage that, but I know I am better at it than my old version was. Isn’t that what growing up is all about?
